Well Melis tells me that she had a good day! This is indeed good news. She and Carol are in a Suite in New Orleans where she can sleep without the nursing staff constantly interrupting her. At this point, Melissa just wants to come home....so you know she is doing better!
She sent me pics of her scar on her hip - all I can say is WOW! I am surprised that it does not hurt mush worse, all things considered. Now its just a matter of counting down the days. She will be home on Wednesday.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Discharged!
Melissa is in good spirits this morning. She was expressing her normal level of "worrying about the kids", and giving me a string of instructions to get this and that done...so she is back to her old self. The fog of her anesthesia has worn off finally, and she was feeling ready to be discharged, which was due to happen around lunch time there.
When the doc checked in with her at the appointed hour, he removed her drains, clipped the doppler wires, pulled her hip numbing tubes and discharged her from the hospital on schedule. YAY!! Now off to the French Quarter for a few days to rest up. She is excited to have a change of scenery.
The plan is for her to have a follow up visit on Tuesday and then fly home on Wednesday. It will be great to see her again.
She tells me that she is pleased with the status of things, from the care she has received to the aesthetic result of her surgery.
Good Times!
When the doc checked in with her at the appointed hour, he removed her drains, clipped the doppler wires, pulled her hip numbing tubes and discharged her from the hospital on schedule. YAY!! Now off to the French Quarter for a few days to rest up. She is excited to have a change of scenery.
The plan is for her to have a follow up visit on Tuesday and then fly home on Wednesday. It will be great to see her again.
She tells me that she is pleased with the status of things, from the care she has received to the aesthetic result of her surgery.
Good Times!
Friday, May 28, 2010
From Sister Carol...(On Behalf of Melissa)
Hello All! Carol here -- Mis-ma-lis is doing better. Nothing like a good night of sleep, combined with a strong woman! She is still done in by it all, so the likelihood of anybody hearing from her is not so likely -- it's been a major surgery which takes major recovery -- so we've been encouraging her to just let us do her correspondence, phoning, texting, emailing for her.
She's having a good day -- had a shower, fresh jammies, breakfast, lunch and a little snack. Tomorrow we'll move to the condo. Trying to nap currently: Rest, rest, rest -- that's the song we're singing! Thank you for your prayers, love and concern . . . she is heartily aware of all that's been pouring in!. . . .-- Carol
She's having a good day -- had a shower, fresh jammies, breakfast, lunch and a little snack. Tomorrow we'll move to the condo. Trying to nap currently: Rest, rest, rest -- that's the song we're singing! Thank you for your prayers, love and concern . . . she is heartily aware of all that's been pouring in!. . . .-- Carol
Feeling a little better
I admit that it is really hard to be away from Melissa right now. I am so thankful that her sister Carol is there taking care of her and being present for her. Carol has been great about communicating with me since she arrived. This morning, she told me that Melissa had a great night of good sleep. Melissa confirmed this too. Those of you who know Melissa well know that this is a girl who needs her sleep!
Also, her pain is so much less right now and she is feeling so much better overall that she is probably going to take a shower today and possibly get discharged from the hospital tomorrow.
Wow, what a week!
Melissa and I have appreciated all the warmth and all the support everyone has offered. Thank you!
Also, her pain is so much less right now and she is feeling so much better overall that she is probably going to take a shower today and possibly get discharged from the hospital tomorrow.
Wow, what a week!
Melissa and I have appreciated all the warmth and all the support everyone has offered. Thank you!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Away from my Bride
Well I am back in town after leaving Melis' in a world of hurt this morning. She had a pretty rough night. I think it was the combination of not enough pain meds, being over tired, and perhaps not enough water. What that meant was she didn't sleep much, and was nauseated and uncomfortable this morning. I hated to leave, but my driver was there to pick me up and so I asked the nurses to give her special attention till Carrol arrives. After doubling up on the pain meds, and shot of Demerol, Melissa actually slept soundly for a couple of hours and when I talked to her once I landed, she sounded MUCH better. The nursing staff there is amazing and spent time with Melissa this morning holding her hand in my absence. Thanks to them! Carol should be arriving before long and then the tentative plan is to DC her from the hospital tomorrow. We will see.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
One day down in New Orleans, a few to go
So as the first day after surgery winds down, and as I get ready to leave (first thing in the morning), I can reflect on the past couple of days. First of all, Melissa is battling the tension between trying to get off the meds and trying to get out of the hospital. On meds, she is dizzy and pain free, which allows her to move around, and off meds, her head clears, but she is less comfortable and less likely to move around.
Naturally, the staff and I want her to stay ahead of her pain, which means she needs to take her meds before she gets uncomfortable. So that is the challenge for her sister and the nurses to confront starting tomorrow. The right thing to do is to be pain free and to move around.
I can say this about the situation: I am thrilled with Melissa's status. She is soooooo much better than she was this time yesterday. I am happy that she has taken a few steps, gone potty, eaten meals, and generally been more alive than I expected one day after major surgery. The nurses are amazing, warm, friendly and professional. The surgical hospital is pretty new and in many ways feels like a hotel rather than a hospital. I think that this was a great decision for Melissa. And so far, everything has gone smoothly.
As far as New Orleans is concerned, I have come to love this town. It is hot - 90 degrees, humid - 60% and an old town with character. The houses are historic, the old Street Cars really dated, but so cool. And the town just has a feeling of comfort. The food is delicious, the people warm with their Southern Hospitality, and generally it is a great old town. After Katrina, I wondered about the wisdom of saving New Orleans considering that it is below sea level, and now I am no longer ambivalent I say save New Orleans, no matter the cost. It is a truly historic American city.
Melissa's sweet sister, Carol, arrives tomorrow, and perhaps she will update the blog if Melissa is still out of sorts.
Naturally, the staff and I want her to stay ahead of her pain, which means she needs to take her meds before she gets uncomfortable. So that is the challenge for her sister and the nurses to confront starting tomorrow. The right thing to do is to be pain free and to move around.
I can say this about the situation: I am thrilled with Melissa's status. She is soooooo much better than she was this time yesterday. I am happy that she has taken a few steps, gone potty, eaten meals, and generally been more alive than I expected one day after major surgery. The nurses are amazing, warm, friendly and professional. The surgical hospital is pretty new and in many ways feels like a hotel rather than a hospital. I think that this was a great decision for Melissa. And so far, everything has gone smoothly.
As far as New Orleans is concerned, I have come to love this town. It is hot - 90 degrees, humid - 60% and an old town with character. The houses are historic, the old Street Cars really dated, but so cool. And the town just has a feeling of comfort. The food is delicious, the people warm with their Southern Hospitality, and generally it is a great old town. After Katrina, I wondered about the wisdom of saving New Orleans considering that it is below sea level, and now I am no longer ambivalent I say save New Orleans, no matter the cost. It is a truly historic American city.
Melissa's sweet sister, Carol, arrives tomorrow, and perhaps she will update the blog if Melissa is still out of sorts.
Better and Better and STILL Cancer Free!!
So almost 24 hours after her surgery, and Melissa is resting peacefully. She was able to get out of bed today, she removed all of her tubes, and switched from intravenous to oral pain meds (other than at the donor site). In addition to a simple breakfast of toast, yogurt and fruit, she was able to eat a turkey sandwich at lunch time and she ordered the blackened shrimp for dinner! Sounds like she is getting better to me! Also, we took a walk in the hallway to the snack bar and she snagged a bottle of cranberry juice for herself before we went back. I guess what I am saying is that in just one day, not even, she is much, much better than immediately after surgery. As the meds detox in her system, she is getting better and better moment by moment. So with a great deal of relief to have this behind us, and knowing that there are still a couple of minor procedures to do to finish up the plastic surgery, we are very pleased with Melissa's status at present and her progress overall. Phew!!!!
Day one and Counting
Once Melissa came back from surgery, she was pretty woozy of course, and she was in and out of awareness, often asking the same question again. The meds on board kept her comfortable, but she never was much for meds. The nurses came in and out all night to check on her, and she was awakened for a few minutes as the did their nursing thing. Their primary concern was the blood supply to the transplanted tissue. Listening to the swoosh-swoosh of the Doppler sounds was like listening to good music. She has been sucking on her inspriometer to get her lungs moving and drinking lots of water to get her insides moving. This morning she ate a little breakfast and actually got out of bed - she is sitting up at the moment! We are moving her from IV meds to PO meds to see if that helps the dizziness. She is chatting with her nurse and in good spirits. Right On!!
The nurses are awesome, and the Southern Hospitality here is amazing. Everybody is just so nice.
Its another great Cancer Free day!
The nurses are awesome, and the Southern Hospitality here is amazing. Everybody is just so nice.
Its another great Cancer Free day!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
OUT OF SURGERY
The surgeon just came in with a big smile. Melissa is in recovery. He was pleased with his work Melissa is doing great, I am on my way to see her.
In Surgery
Well we are in New Orleans for surgery. The surgical center is great, the staff friendly and amazingly generous with their time and words of encouragement.
Melissa is actually in surgery as I type this. The surgical staff has been calling me on and off all day as they move from step to step. I have been keeping busy by wandering around New Orleans, eating their delicious but fattening food, and trying just to keep good thoughts for Melissa's good health and speedy recovery.
The best news is that her lab tests for her biopsied lymph nodes came back NEGATIVE... which means that Melissa is now CANCER FREE!!!!!!! Good times!
Last I heard, she was in the actual reconstruction phase of her surgery, the blood supply all hooked up to the transplanted tissue. In a couple of hours she will be in recovery and I will be able to go down and see her.
Wow!
Melissa is actually in surgery as I type this. The surgical staff has been calling me on and off all day as they move from step to step. I have been keeping busy by wandering around New Orleans, eating their delicious but fattening food, and trying just to keep good thoughts for Melissa's good health and speedy recovery.
The best news is that her lab tests for her biopsied lymph nodes came back NEGATIVE... which means that Melissa is now CANCER FREE!!!!!!! Good times!
Last I heard, she was in the actual reconstruction phase of her surgery, the blood supply all hooked up to the transplanted tissue. In a couple of hours she will be in recovery and I will be able to go down and see her.
Wow!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
next steps...
catching up here...
I'm not too good about writing, since it's not something I really like to do (sit in front of a computer screen...) but it's a lot easier to write this once, than 10,000x so Neil is pushing me to do this on this blog.
In my last blog, I wrote that I'd fill you in on reconstruction options. Briefly, there are 2 types: implants and flap procedures. I don't want to have implants (nothing against those who have them or want them) but they aren't for me, for a whole host of reasons (email me personally, if you're interested in knowing the details of that decision). So, I'm opting for a flap procedure, where tissue and fat is taken from one part of your body (tummy or butt/hips), to reconstruct new breasts.
We met with a plastic surgeon in Seattle a couple of weeks ago, and he determined the best place to take tissue and fat from me was from my butt and hip area.
(I must tell you, as a sidenote, that standing completely naked, in front of the doc, who was at about eye level with my chest, and who was using calipers to determine my belly and butt fat amounts, was a little mortifying. He was lifting my breasts, and grabbing at my tissue, looking so serious, as I was about ready to curl up and die from humiliation, particularly since our kids go to school together! oh well... if I didn't have a sense of humor about this before, I sure do now!!)
If you're super interested in an overview of breast reconstruction options, I think Johns Hopkins does a pretty good job of explaining it all:
http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/avon_foundation_breast_center/treatments_services/reconstructive_breast_surgery/index.html
After I decided against implants and for a flap procedure, and determined that the only place that can be used as a donor site for this was my tushie, I had to find a qualified surgeon to perform this type of procedure.
Upward and onward with more research! phew!
I researched this for hours and hours, and found the best place to have this done, in the country (and perhaps, even one of the very best places in the world!), is in New Orleans, at the Center for Restorative Breast Surgery (http://www.breastcenter.com/). Who knew, right? There are a lot of docs who do implant surgery in Seattle, a few who do the flap procedure from your belly fat (I don't have enough there to work with, ironically, since I'm such a big girl) but only 2 surgeons in Seattle who do the butt flap procedure and they only do a few a year. I'm not interested in somebody who may have to pull out the owners manual each time he does this ("Hmmm... let's see... step 1. drape the patient. step 2. make incision here... NOT here... ").
So, with a lot of hard work in the research department, many hours of phone calling all over the country, fighting and finagling with my insurance company, discussing and discussing with Neil, I've opted to go to the place where they're experts!
My surgery is scheduled for next Tuesday, May 25th, at 7am, in New Orleans. Our calender is tight between now and then, with work and kid duty. Fortunately, Quinn is home from college now, so he's a huge help. Sam graduates from college in just 5 days - this Sunday, May 23rd! We then leave, bright and early, the next morning, bound for New Orleans. I have pre-op appointments in New Orleans on Monday afternoon, and surgery, bright and early, Tuesday morning. I have to stay in the hospital for 2-4 days (which I'm counting on as 2, not 3 or 4). Then, stay in a New Orleans hotel, for a few more days, then home on June 2nd! Neil is coming with me, and will stay through the 27th, then Carol will come down and be with me till I come home.
I've been exercising a lot and feel really great right now, so am planning on a speedy recovery and back to work a couple of weeks after surgery. I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than 10 pounds for 4 weeks, so pray nobody delivers a big baby, or I'll have to ask them to put their own baby on the baby scale at work - ha!
So, that's where we're at now. Again, I am so thankful for all of you and your kind words, deeds, notes, gifts, kisses, hugs, emails. It has truly been the thing that has kept me sane and grounded. My friends and fam have surrounded me with so much love, it's almost unbelievable. I don't feel deserved of it, but will pass it forward, for sure.
Neil and I will keep you posted. He has a list of folks to send a text message to, when the surgery is over, so if you want to be on the list, please send either of us an email. You know how to get ahold of us!
kisses back at'cha!
I'm not too good about writing, since it's not something I really like to do (sit in front of a computer screen...) but it's a lot easier to write this once, than 10,000x so Neil is pushing me to do this on this blog.
In my last blog, I wrote that I'd fill you in on reconstruction options. Briefly, there are 2 types: implants and flap procedures. I don't want to have implants (nothing against those who have them or want them) but they aren't for me, for a whole host of reasons (email me personally, if you're interested in knowing the details of that decision). So, I'm opting for a flap procedure, where tissue and fat is taken from one part of your body (tummy or butt/hips), to reconstruct new breasts.
We met with a plastic surgeon in Seattle a couple of weeks ago, and he determined the best place to take tissue and fat from me was from my butt and hip area.
(I must tell you, as a sidenote, that standing completely naked, in front of the doc, who was at about eye level with my chest, and who was using calipers to determine my belly and butt fat amounts, was a little mortifying. He was lifting my breasts, and grabbing at my tissue, looking so serious, as I was about ready to curl up and die from humiliation, particularly since our kids go to school together! oh well... if I didn't have a sense of humor about this before, I sure do now!!)
If you're super interested in an overview of breast reconstruction options, I think Johns Hopkins does a pretty good job of explaining it all:
http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/avon_foundation_breast_center/treatments_services/reconstructive_breast_surgery/index.html
After I decided against implants and for a flap procedure, and determined that the only place that can be used as a donor site for this was my tushie, I had to find a qualified surgeon to perform this type of procedure.
Upward and onward with more research! phew!
I researched this for hours and hours, and found the best place to have this done, in the country (and perhaps, even one of the very best places in the world!), is in New Orleans, at the Center for Restorative Breast Surgery (http://www.breastcenter.com/). Who knew, right? There are a lot of docs who do implant surgery in Seattle, a few who do the flap procedure from your belly fat (I don't have enough there to work with, ironically, since I'm such a big girl) but only 2 surgeons in Seattle who do the butt flap procedure and they only do a few a year. I'm not interested in somebody who may have to pull out the owners manual each time he does this ("Hmmm... let's see... step 1. drape the patient. step 2. make incision here... NOT here... ").
So, with a lot of hard work in the research department, many hours of phone calling all over the country, fighting and finagling with my insurance company, discussing and discussing with Neil, I've opted to go to the place where they're experts!
My surgery is scheduled for next Tuesday, May 25th, at 7am, in New Orleans. Our calender is tight between now and then, with work and kid duty. Fortunately, Quinn is home from college now, so he's a huge help. Sam graduates from college in just 5 days - this Sunday, May 23rd! We then leave, bright and early, the next morning, bound for New Orleans. I have pre-op appointments in New Orleans on Monday afternoon, and surgery, bright and early, Tuesday morning. I have to stay in the hospital for 2-4 days (which I'm counting on as 2, not 3 or 4). Then, stay in a New Orleans hotel, for a few more days, then home on June 2nd! Neil is coming with me, and will stay through the 27th, then Carol will come down and be with me till I come home.
I've been exercising a lot and feel really great right now, so am planning on a speedy recovery and back to work a couple of weeks after surgery. I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than 10 pounds for 4 weeks, so pray nobody delivers a big baby, or I'll have to ask them to put their own baby on the baby scale at work - ha!
So, that's where we're at now. Again, I am so thankful for all of you and your kind words, deeds, notes, gifts, kisses, hugs, emails. It has truly been the thing that has kept me sane and grounded. My friends and fam have surrounded me with so much love, it's almost unbelievable. I don't feel deserved of it, but will pass it forward, for sure.
Neil and I will keep you posted. He has a list of folks to send a text message to, when the surgery is over, so if you want to be on the list, please send either of us an email. You know how to get ahold of us!
kisses back at'cha!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Hi... from Melissa... finally.
Neil has done a good job summing this up (with the exception of a few typo's and grammatical errors. ha!). I am not much of a writer, not because I don't like to express myself with words - that would be a huge understatement (ask Neil and the kids!). It's just that it's difficult to type as fast as my little brain is talking in my head, but I'll do my best here.
Yes, the initial diagnosis was a huge shock. I must say, I am still a bit in denial. I certainly don't feel like somebody who has the big, scary "C" word. I feel great, run or row a few times a week, eat well, sleep well (er... relatively well for a peri-menopausal woman), etc. How could I have any weird, strange, irregular cells inside of me? It's a mystery. Plus, I am in about as low a risk as possible for getting breast CA. It truly isn't something I've worried about in my life - and that's saying a LOT because I am a huge worrier (again, just ask my kids... Quinn bought me a "panic button" and put it on the fridge, so I could go push it whenever I started worrying about the kids too much!).
But, as they say in life, sh*t happens, and so it has!
I also don't let this define me: I don't have cancer, I have cancerous cells in my breast. Which will be removed and then I won't have to have that big, scary "C" word hanging around my neck anymore. Dr. Susan Love says it well on her website: It is not life threatening. If you have DCIS, it means that you have abnormal cells in the lining of a duct.
You can read more here:
http://www.dslrf.org/breastcancer/content.asp?L2=3&L3=2&L4=3&SID=164
At the beginning, it was really hard to tell anybody. So I had all of my very best breast angels spreading the word for me. I hated the look on peoples faces, those sad puppy-dog eyes, or the "OHMYGOSH!" panic, or the tears. So, I determined it was best to just say nothing. Let word pass from friend to friend, via my best friends. That worked best for me.
It's funny. I have never minded telling people anything: the details of the testing, diagnosis, treatments, my feelings, etc. I am a talker. It's very clinical to me - a process to get through. An annoyingly long process that I don't have time for (who does?!? is it ever 'convenient' to get cancer?!?) . I just don't like telling people first.
Also, I have been reassured from all the reading I've done, and all of the doctors I've seen, that I will live a good long life, and will be rocking my beautiful grandbabies on my front porch when I'm 95 years old! And that's what it's all about!
In terms of diagnosing this, I guess I should back up a bit...
I went in for a routine mammo on Feb. 17th, 2010, and was called back for a 2nd mammo for magnification views of "suspicious calcifications" - normal for somebody in my age category. The radiologist thought it'd be a good idea to biopsy the "suspicious calc's", which was then supposed to rule OUT any breast CA (not rule it IN, for goodness sake! sheesh! I guess the pathologist didn't get that memo!).
I was never scared or worried. I didn't need anybody to accompany me to the biopsy because I felt quite confident that the path reports would all come back negative for breast CA (again, I'm in a very low risk category). I even scheduled to go out for drinks with girlfriends after work, on the day the doc was calling me back with the results. No biggie, I thought - it will be negative and we'll have something to make a toast to.
When the doc (my friend, the radiologist) called to tell me that it came back positive for DCIS, I was shocked! She called me when I was on my way to the restaurant to meet my girlfriends, and her first words were: "Where are you?" "In my car," I replied. She asked "Do you want to pull over?" and, of course, I knew then what she was going to say. I think I replied "SH*T!" or something else as lovely. She was so sorry to have to break the news to me, and she said she was equally surprised, but quickly educated me about how DCIS is the "good cancer" and it is "more of a nuisance" than anything. And, she was right, of course. It's just not the kind of "nuisance" I want to personally have to deal with! But I went off to have a drink with those wonderful, beautiful best breast friends of mine, and they were awesome. How serendipitous that was - to share, for the first time, that scary diagnosis, with caring, loving nurses, who cherish breasts in the most beautiful of ways (we're lactation consultants). They were PERFECT in every way, and we did, indeed, drink well together! I am blessed to have them in my life!
Neil and I immediately started researching. He has been WONDERFUL through this whole thing... so supportive, loving, not freaked out, helping me dig for research/news/ideas/doctors, etc. I couldn't ask for a better husband than him. It's been awesome. I don't know what people do who don't have a loving spouse to help you through something like this. I am truly blessed!!!
I then went in for 2 more biopsies, a breast MRI, an ultrasound and countless more mammograms. My sister, Carol, accompanied me to the next set of biopsies. She really helped. By then, I already had the diagnosis, so we were just looking to see how diffusely spread it was, in helping me determine the best/most appropriate treatment plan. Carol held my hand, and was my steady rock, while I sat there in the clinic, in my stupid green robe, a newly diagnosed cancer patient. ugh...
After those tests were done, it was confirmed that the spread of the disease was, indeed, too diffuse to do anything other than a mastectomy. DCIS is like fine sand spread through the ducts. It can't be 'excised' by a 'lumpectomy'. A surgeon couldn't possibly go in and pick through my ducts to get it all out, while leaving the breast intact. You can't tell, by the naked eye, which are cancerous cells and which are just plain fibrocystic changes that happen with age. So, the gals have got to go! It's all in my right breast. There are some suspicious calcifications in the left breast, too, but they weren't biopsied, so we're not sure what they are.
As you read from one of the previous posts by Neil, right after that, we then went off for a weeks vacation to Hawaii, and it was just what the doctor ordered! It really helped to calm us both down, relax, retreat, and just plain have fun - with the kids, in the waves, in the sun, at the pool, scuba-diving, zip-lining, etc. It was perfect!!!
To re-cap and fast forward to today, this is where we're at...
First was the diagosis: DCIS
Next came the treatment plan: mastectomy.
Then the decision to do bilateral or unilateral mastectomy: This has been a toughie. Do you take both when only one is involved (as far as you know?). Are you a gambler? What are the chances of them finding it on the other side, down the road? This is complicated. I've done a ton of research. I've talked to a lot of people, read a lot of blogs, read a lot of research. It's not clear one way or the other, but for me, I've concluded that the best way to go is to take them both. I've hated all of the appointments, and stabbing and prodding and smushing and needling. I don't want to go through this, plus the worrying, every 6 months, for the rest of my life. I know that some people would disapprove of this decision, but for me, it's the best way to go.
The next big decision is what kind of breast reconstruction? Did you know that insurance companies are federally mandated to pay for breast reconstruction after mastectomy? I didn't know that! I was so happy to hear that, because I thought, "how are we going to pay for 2 new breasts?". So, off we went to the reconstruction docs!
My options are:
1. implants: not for me!
2. flap surgery: they take fat and tissue from another part of your body (either your tummy or your buttocks) and make new breasts! Isn't that cool?!? (and, yes, get a ticket and get in line, in terms of contributions. I have a few 'donors' already lined up!)
So, that's where we're at. I've been doing a lot of research about reconstruction options, and I'm in the fortunate position of not having to rush. I will report more specifically, in the next post, about the different reconstruction options.
In the meantime, know that I am well, and well cared for. There are a ton of blessings in this all: I have the most amazing family (Neil and the kids are awesome. I'll have to post sometime about their initial reactions, but they're all good now), the best siblings and friends in the world, a ton of support and outpouring of love from extended family and friends, and an incredibly supportive work environment. I am also lucky to live in a first-world country, with great health care benefits (that not all people are fortunate to have), and live in an area where this can be taken care of. I am healthy and strong! I am blessed beyond belief!!! Thanks to all of you who've sent notes, called, kissed me, loved me, hugged me. It's been the best thing in the world, to know you care, and I know all of that wonderfully good karma, will help me - and help the world!!!
Gotta run now to go take my girl to the orthodontist (and life goes on!)
Big hugs!
Neil has done a good job summing this up (with the exception of a few typo's and grammatical errors. ha!). I am not much of a writer, not because I don't like to express myself with words - that would be a huge understatement (ask Neil and the kids!). It's just that it's difficult to type as fast as my little brain is talking in my head, but I'll do my best here.
Yes, the initial diagnosis was a huge shock. I must say, I am still a bit in denial. I certainly don't feel like somebody who has the big, scary "C" word. I feel great, run or row a few times a week, eat well, sleep well (er... relatively well for a peri-menopausal woman), etc. How could I have any weird, strange, irregular cells inside of me? It's a mystery. Plus, I am in about as low a risk as possible for getting breast CA. It truly isn't something I've worried about in my life - and that's saying a LOT because I am a huge worrier (again, just ask my kids... Quinn bought me a "panic button" and put it on the fridge, so I could go push it whenever I started worrying about the kids too much!).
But, as they say in life, sh*t happens, and so it has!
I also don't let this define me: I don't have cancer, I have cancerous cells in my breast. Which will be removed and then I won't have to have that big, scary "C" word hanging around my neck anymore. Dr. Susan Love says it well on her website: It is not life threatening. If you have DCIS, it means that you have abnormal cells in the lining of a duct.
You can read more here:
http://www.dslrf.org/breastcancer/content.asp?L2=3&L3=2&L4=3&SID=164
At the beginning, it was really hard to tell anybody. So I had all of my very best breast angels spreading the word for me. I hated the look on peoples faces, those sad puppy-dog eyes, or the "OHMYGOSH!" panic, or the tears. So, I determined it was best to just say nothing. Let word pass from friend to friend, via my best friends. That worked best for me.
It's funny. I have never minded telling people anything: the details of the testing, diagnosis, treatments, my feelings, etc. I am a talker. It's very clinical to me - a process to get through. An annoyingly long process that I don't have time for (who does?!? is it ever 'convenient' to get cancer?!?) . I just don't like telling people first.
Also, I have been reassured from all the reading I've done, and all of the doctors I've seen, that I will live a good long life, and will be rocking my beautiful grandbabies on my front porch when I'm 95 years old! And that's what it's all about!
In terms of diagnosing this, I guess I should back up a bit...
I went in for a routine mammo on Feb. 17th, 2010, and was called back for a 2nd mammo for magnification views of "suspicious calcifications" - normal for somebody in my age category. The radiologist thought it'd be a good idea to biopsy the "suspicious calc's", which was then supposed to rule OUT any breast CA (not rule it IN, for goodness sake! sheesh! I guess the pathologist didn't get that memo!).
I was never scared or worried. I didn't need anybody to accompany me to the biopsy because I felt quite confident that the path reports would all come back negative for breast CA (again, I'm in a very low risk category). I even scheduled to go out for drinks with girlfriends after work, on the day the doc was calling me back with the results. No biggie, I thought - it will be negative and we'll have something to make a toast to.
When the doc (my friend, the radiologist) called to tell me that it came back positive for DCIS, I was shocked! She called me when I was on my way to the restaurant to meet my girlfriends, and her first words were: "Where are you?" "In my car," I replied. She asked "Do you want to pull over?" and, of course, I knew then what she was going to say. I think I replied "SH*T!" or something else as lovely. She was so sorry to have to break the news to me, and she said she was equally surprised, but quickly educated me about how DCIS is the "good cancer" and it is "more of a nuisance" than anything. And, she was right, of course. It's just not the kind of "nuisance" I want to personally have to deal with! But I went off to have a drink with those wonderful, beautiful best breast friends of mine, and they were awesome. How serendipitous that was - to share, for the first time, that scary diagnosis, with caring, loving nurses, who cherish breasts in the most beautiful of ways (we're lactation consultants). They were PERFECT in every way, and we did, indeed, drink well together! I am blessed to have them in my life!
Neil and I immediately started researching. He has been WONDERFUL through this whole thing... so supportive, loving, not freaked out, helping me dig for research/news/ideas/doctors, etc. I couldn't ask for a better husband than him. It's been awesome. I don't know what people do who don't have a loving spouse to help you through something like this. I am truly blessed!!!
I then went in for 2 more biopsies, a breast MRI, an ultrasound and countless more mammograms. My sister, Carol, accompanied me to the next set of biopsies. She really helped. By then, I already had the diagnosis, so we were just looking to see how diffusely spread it was, in helping me determine the best/most appropriate treatment plan. Carol held my hand, and was my steady rock, while I sat there in the clinic, in my stupid green robe, a newly diagnosed cancer patient. ugh...
After those tests were done, it was confirmed that the spread of the disease was, indeed, too diffuse to do anything other than a mastectomy. DCIS is like fine sand spread through the ducts. It can't be 'excised' by a 'lumpectomy'. A surgeon couldn't possibly go in and pick through my ducts to get it all out, while leaving the breast intact. You can't tell, by the naked eye, which are cancerous cells and which are just plain fibrocystic changes that happen with age. So, the gals have got to go! It's all in my right breast. There are some suspicious calcifications in the left breast, too, but they weren't biopsied, so we're not sure what they are.
As you read from one of the previous posts by Neil, right after that, we then went off for a weeks vacation to Hawaii, and it was just what the doctor ordered! It really helped to calm us both down, relax, retreat, and just plain have fun - with the kids, in the waves, in the sun, at the pool, scuba-diving, zip-lining, etc. It was perfect!!!
To re-cap and fast forward to today, this is where we're at...
First was the diagosis: DCIS
Next came the treatment plan: mastectomy.
Then the decision to do bilateral or unilateral mastectomy: This has been a toughie. Do you take both when only one is involved (as far as you know?). Are you a gambler? What are the chances of them finding it on the other side, down the road? This is complicated. I've done a ton of research. I've talked to a lot of people, read a lot of blogs, read a lot of research. It's not clear one way or the other, but for me, I've concluded that the best way to go is to take them both. I've hated all of the appointments, and stabbing and prodding and smushing and needling. I don't want to go through this, plus the worrying, every 6 months, for the rest of my life. I know that some people would disapprove of this decision, but for me, it's the best way to go.
The next big decision is what kind of breast reconstruction? Did you know that insurance companies are federally mandated to pay for breast reconstruction after mastectomy? I didn't know that! I was so happy to hear that, because I thought, "how are we going to pay for 2 new breasts?". So, off we went to the reconstruction docs!
My options are:
1. implants: not for me!
2. flap surgery: they take fat and tissue from another part of your body (either your tummy or your buttocks) and make new breasts! Isn't that cool?!? (and, yes, get a ticket and get in line, in terms of contributions. I have a few 'donors' already lined up!)
So, that's where we're at. I've been doing a lot of research about reconstruction options, and I'm in the fortunate position of not having to rush. I will report more specifically, in the next post, about the different reconstruction options.
In the meantime, know that I am well, and well cared for. There are a ton of blessings in this all: I have the most amazing family (Neil and the kids are awesome. I'll have to post sometime about their initial reactions, but they're all good now), the best siblings and friends in the world, a ton of support and outpouring of love from extended family and friends, and an incredibly supportive work environment. I am also lucky to live in a first-world country, with great health care benefits (that not all people are fortunate to have), and live in an area where this can be taken care of. I am healthy and strong! I am blessed beyond belief!!! Thanks to all of you who've sent notes, called, kissed me, loved me, hugged me. It's been the best thing in the world, to know you care, and I know all of that wonderfully good karma, will help me - and help the world!!!
Gotta run now to go take my girl to the orthodontist (and life goes on!)
Big hugs!
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